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My Fresh Squeezin's (Blogger)

Ahh, the freshly squozen thoughts of Dalum. I try to post as often as I can, but sometimes life is just too busy to get stuff out in a reasonable amount of time. Please enjoy my random thoughts and drop me a line if you like. 

Sunday, January 09, 2005

1/09/2005 03:14:00 AM - Can't sleep

It's 3:14 am and I'm up. I can't sleep. I had a wonderful night with Fresh and a pretty normal night with Nyra. Recent discussions have been bothering me and I've been getting a little stir crazy since my car has been out of commission for the past couple of weeks while I wait for my parts to come in. My only solace is that I started to get tired after 1 while watching TV. Ususally, I'll just shut it off as I drift away but this time was different. I am starting to feel weird. I don't know if it's an emptiness or some odd void that has been created with my recent problems... But I know something is bothering me. I just can't figure out what it is. After shutting off the TV I attempted to close my eyes and hope to drift away like normal. My eyes weren't ready to close and I just keep getting this weird nagging feeling. Not the normal thing where I just feel like crying and it will make me feel better in the morning, puffy eyes and all. I am coming to a major crossroads in my life again and it feels like it's all under construction. I just want to go to school. I think that's what would make me feel better. I'd go work at a 7-11 and go to school. At this point, I don't think that it would be a step backwards in my personal goals/status. It would be a bit of give and take. I'd drop my importance in the work force and look at the long term of upping my self-worth. Unfortunately, I've missed my deadline for this term when the end of business day of the 6th passed. My next step is to go and save up for the next entry mid-term in February. I don't want to miss that spot either, it all depends on if I have the funds to do it. I almost did it this month on my own, but a new slew of billing emergencies came in and now all I have is $40 at best. That's before I figure out what else I have to pay. If I had a better idea of my job with bank was. I'd be able to move on with my life and find a base job to make things better. Or even if I didn't continue with the company, I'd like to know what the hell is going on with my severance. I still haven't even gotten that information yet either! Oh well, at least my new side endeavor is coming along nicely and my life will be back on track. I guess I can take the time to look for a job online right now to help fill the time.

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